I know you’ll never read this.
Because you never read,
you’re practically illiterate.
That sounds mean.
Today I didn’t think about you.
Well, I guess that’s not true,
considering the fact that I’m writing this to you.
I guess I’m not as good at this as I thought.
Today we talked.
It was brief but nice,
yet I was awkward about it.
Considering the events of “us.”
Today your girlfriend gave me a dirty look.
The look on her face of pure disgust,
a look of hatred.
It was like a knife to my throat.
It made me wonder if you spoke to her of the taboo,
I didn’t mean to bring it up.
Today I thought about it.
“It” being us
I know I said I wouldn’t, but I couldn’t help it.
The thought of your fingers intertwined with mine.
Those thoughts are beautiful to me.
But after all it’s an issue,
The issue being you don’t have those same beautiful thoughts.
So it’s not really our issue.
It’s my issue.
Today I did nothing.
Staying in bed feeling the effects of unrequited love.
Laying amongst the pizza crust and take-out boxes.
Living in a sea of tissues.
Staring at my phone, reading my confession of love for you
over and over again.
It was torture.
I didn’t mean to say that word again.
I know how you feel when I use the word “love” when I talk to you.
Talk about loving you.
I said it again.
Today you ignored me.
Walked past me like I was nothing.
Shutting me away won’t change the way I feel.
After all, it’s hard to ignore the knife you put into my heart.
At times like this I wish I never told you I loved you.
Today you reminded me to never speak of us,
because there wasn’t an “us,” you don’t feel the same.
I understand that and I won’t speak of it again.
Today I ignored you,
and it felt so good to have a sliver of power over you,
and yet I still feel bad about it.
Today you asked a favor of me and I said “NO.”
You can’t treat me the way you did and then ask something of me,
treating me like I was garbage,
only praising me when it was beneficial to YOU.
Who are you to pull my strings to make me dance?
You guiled me,
tried to force my hand. And I still said NO.
I am NOT sorry! Why should I be sorry?!
Today we ignored each other.
Passed by one another as if strangers.
It felt terrible but I know it was for the best.
Today was easier,
And I’m going to be okay.
Today I tried to get you to read these,
but you never read.
You’re practically illiterate.
That sounded mean.