Fur Real

A Play

By Athena Gillespie

 

Cast of Characters

REBECCA Sixteen years old, basic white girl, desire for things to go

her way       

 

MRS. DALE Forty-two years old, mother of  REBECCA, loves dogs

 

BAXTER 20 years old (2.8 dog years),

clumsy, loves eating everything,  

charming obliviousness 

 

WOMAN

 

MAN

 

CHILD

 

ANGRY PEOPLE                  One or two actors acting angry in           

the background. Can be played by the same actors as WOMAN and MAN.

 

Scene

A stereotypical subdivision, a house with a white picket fence, spacious yet cozy inside

 

A dirty, ugly, trash-filled street.

 

Time

Present day


Scene 1

 

AT RISE: A spacious bedroom with pink walls 

and chewed up shoes scattered around the floor.

REBECCA is waking up.

 

(REBECCA yawns and stretches arms out, smiling)

 

REBECCA

Finally, I’m sixteen! This is gonna be the best day ever!

 

(REBECCA gets out of bed and steps right into dog poop)

 

REBECCA

AHHHHHHHHH!! BAXTER YOU STUPID DOG! 

 

(REBECCA hops to bathroom and throws her socks away)

 

REBECCA

Wow, what a great start to my birthday. God I hate that dog. Breathe, Rebecca, you’re good. Today is going to be amazing.

 

(MRS. DALE muffled voice from offstage)

 

MRS. DALE

Honey, the chocolate chip waffles are ready! Your favorite!

 

REBECCA

Coming!

 

(REBECCA walks downstairs into kitchen to find dog eating spilled waffles off the floor)

 

REBECCA

Are. You. KIDDING ME? BAXTER IT’S MY FREAKING BIRTHDAY! CAN I HAVE ANYTHING WITHOUT YOU RUINING IT?

 

(MRS. DALE walks into the room)

 

MRS. DALE

Oh dear… here let’s clean this up and you can come open your presents! I can make more waffles later, I promise, sweetie.

 

REBECCA

Thanks, Mom, but Baxter gave me his gift early: he took a dump in my room. I really should clean it. 

 

MRS. DALE

Oh heavens, that silly puppy. I’ll go clean it, Becca, you go open presents!

 

(MRS. DALE exits room, REBECCA picks up giant present off table)

 

REBECCA

Whoa, this is heavy. Almost as heavy as you, you obese rat.

 

(REBECCA glares at dog, then opens present)

 

REBECCA

OMG OMG OMG! YAYYYYY! I’ve been wanting this for so long. And there’s no way you can chew this up, HA.

 

(REBECCA pulls hover-board out of box and sets it on the floor. MRS. DALE enters)

 

MRS. DALE

Be careful honey! You don’t want to run over Baxter’s paw. Aw look at the sweet baby.

 

(BAXTER drools all over couch. REBECCA rolls her eyes)

 

REBECCA

Yeah, what a sweetie.

(REBECCA gets on hover-board, wobbling and trying to keep her balance)

Woah, this is kinda hard. WOOOOOOOOO! I’M REALLY GETTING THE HANG OF IT!

 

(REBECCA zooms around quickly)

 

MRS. DALE

Rebecca! Please don’t hurt yourself! 

 

REBECCA

THIS IS AMAZING OH MY GOSH THANK YOU MOM I LOVE YOU SO-

 

(BAXTER runs in front of REBECCA, causing her to fall and hit her head on the counter)

 

MRS. DALE

Rebecca? Rebecca? Are you alright?? You don’t look so good…

 

(REBECCA lies on her back, eyes slowly shutting)

 

REBECCA

That damn dog… I wish dogs never existed…

 

Scene 2

 

AT RISE: A dirty street filled with angry  people.

 

REBECCA is sitting in the middle of the street. She opens her eyes and looks around.

 

REBECCA

Where the hell am I? 

(A WOMAN steps on her foot while walking by)

Hey! Ever heard of being polite?

 

(A young blonde MAN appears beside REBECCA. She stares at him curiously)

 

BAXTER

No, she hasn’t heard of being polite. No one has.

 

REBECCA

Um, do I know you? And what are you talking about? Also where am I? Do you-

 

BAXTER

Oh you don’t recognize me? I’m your dog. In human form.

 

(REBECCA closes her eyes)

REBECCA

Okay it’s official. This isn’t real. This is a dream. Soon I’ll wake up and be out of this hideous place.

 

(A fight breaks out in the street. The yelling startles REBECCA)

 

BAXTER

This is as real as those pink Uggs you have. Well, had. I chewed them up.

 

REBECCA

Wait a minute. How do you know about my shoes? Are you like a stalker or something? Back off. I have… pepper spray!

 

BAXTER

Nice try, but I know you don’t. I buried that in the yard, remember?

 

REBECCA

So…you really are…Baxter?!

 

BAXTER

Yessss ma’am! At your service!

 

(A CHILD kicks REBECCA, and spits on her. People are stomping all around her)

 

REBECCA

What the… okay “Baxter,” am I in hell or something? Dammit, I knew I shouldn’t have stolen my aunt’s Starbucks gift card. Karma’s a bitch.

 

BAXTER

You’re actually in a world where dogs don’t exist. So yeah, pretty much Hell.

REBECCA

What? Why is everything so nasty and awful? And why are people so mean here? Shouldn’t everyone be happy since there’s no dog poop to clean up? And now that no one is eating their homework?

 

BAXTER

Not exactly… let me show you just how different your life is now. Follow me.

 

REBECCA

Oh boy, my own dog taking me on a walk? What a treat.

(REBECCA rolls her eyes)

 

(BAXTER whips his head toward her with all his attention focused on her)

 

BAXTER

Did someone say treat?

 

(BAXTER leads REBECCA down the street, pointing to a small movie theater with holes in the walls.)

REBECCA 

Wait, what movie are they showing? Does that marquee say… SHARKNADO #87: SANTA JAWS? Who would make such a monstrosity?

BAXTER

Well, you see, without dogs, producers had to find other animals to make movies about. So Marley and Me, Lady and the Tramp, 101 Dalmatians: none of those cinematic masterpieces were ever thought of. Heck, you can’t even have the Wizard of Oz without Toto!

 

REBECCA

I didn’t realize how vital dogs were to the film industry. Good thing it doesn’t affect me!

 

BAXTER

Screens weren’t the only things injured by lack of pups. Let me show you to our next stop.

 

(BAXTER walks down the street, leading REBECCA to  

a group of people throwing rocks at each other)

 

REBECCA

What’s going on? Why are they so violent towards each other? I don’t understand.

 

BAXTER

Unfortunately, dogs were never here to show people how to love generously. Kindness and happiness are unheard of. There’s no golden retrievers to pet, no pug faces to squish. No fluffy friends to cuddle with. There’s simply no joy in this world.

 

REBECCA

So no one is nice to each other? Not even neighbors or friends?

 

BAXTER

Nope. There is a lack of bonding between neighbors because cookouts don’t exist. There’s no hot dogs to grill. And friendship? No one here knows what it means to be a friend, they have never encountered the perfect example of a loyal companion: man’s best friend. Dogs.

 

REBECCA

Whoa, bro slow your roll. Dogs didn’t impact life that much, did they?

 

BAXTER

Just look around. Would you want to live in a place like this?

 

(BAXTER turns away and starts walking)

 

REBECCA

Wait for me! Where are we going now? 

 

(REBECCA follows BAXTER across the street to a small, rundown shack. They dodge flying paintball pellets)

 

REBECCA 

What’s this? 

 

BAXTER

This is your mother’s home. Mrs. Dale! Where you at?

 

(MRS. DALE crawls slowly out of the shack, looking at REBECCA with confusion)

 

REBECCA

Mom! Thank goodness you’re here. We’ve got to escape this nightmare ASAP!

 

MRS. DALE 

Huh. You do look a lot like my daughter. Her name was Rebecca. Oh how I miss her.

REBECCA

Mom! It is me! It’s Rebecca! 

 

(MRS. DALE pauses, and then shakes her head)

 

MRS. DALE

No, my daughter died at the young age of four years old. She drowned. Please, just leave. I don’t want to be reminded of it.

 

REBECCA MRS. DALE

Mom,wait! Please, just listen!           I SAID GET OUT OF HERE!

 

(MRS. DALE slams door closed. REBECCA looks at BAXTER with confusion)  

 

BAXTER

Don’t you remember? Your mother took you to the beach as a child, and while she was sunbathing, you ran straight into the water. But you didn’t know how to swim, so you were struggling to breathe. Right before your body was going to give out, your old dog Buttercup ran and lifted you up out of the water with her mouth. She saved your life.

 

REBECCA

So just because little troublesome fur balls don’t exist, my mother is living in a box, her own daughter is dead, and she HAS A PERM??

 

BAXTER

I wasn’t there to eat the 80s hairstyle magazine. This was your wish, and it came true. But you still don’t seem happy. Isn’t this everything you’ve ever wanted?

 

(REBECCA glares at BAXTER)

REBECCA

No this is horrible! Baxter how can I get out of here? I miss my mom, my house, my phone…even you. Well, the dog version. You were pretty cute sometimes, even if you destroyed everything I owned.

 

(BAXTER sighs)

BAXTER

If only there was a simple solution. 

 

(BAXTER pulls a collar with a keypad on it out of his pocket.)

 

I found this on the ground, but you’re going to have to figure out the password. My small brain is definitely incapable of brainstorming, so you’re on your own.

 

REBECCA

This will take forever! It could literally be anything. Hmmmm what? I just type in a bunch of random letters!

 

(REBECCA grabs it and types frantically. The red light on it beeps loudly)

 

BAXTER 

Ohhh yeah, one more thing. The fine print on the inside of it says “ONLY THREE WRONG ATTEMPTS BEFORE EXPLOSION!”

 

REBECCA

DUDE! Would have loved to know that BEFOREHAND! Anything else that might completely determine my fate?

 

BAXTER

Oh yeah. It also says, “HINT: WHAT IS YOUR DOG?”

 

REBECCA

How is that a hint? What is my dog? A freaking brat. A nuisance. An uncontrollable animal. 

 

(REBECCA types in the word “annoying.” The collar beeps and the red light flashes)

BAXTER

I don’t think that’s what it wanted to hear. Also I’m not that annoying! Remember all those times I ate your veggies off your plate when your mom wasn’t looking? And every day after school I would wait at the window for you? And how my tricks always cheered you up? I really was a-

 

REBECCA

Good boy. A GOOD BOY! BAXTER YOU’RE A GENIUS! Good boy!

(REBECCA types in GOOD BOY and the light flashes green. Everything starts to darken. Braxton waves goodbye.)

Bye Baxter! Thank you for everything! I’ll see you lat-

 

(Everything blacks out)

 

Scene 3

 

AT RISE: A stray hover-board spins 

slowly next to REBECCA, who laying on the ground in her kitchen. 

 

MRS. DALE stand over REBECCA. BAXTER licks her face)

 

REBECCA

Oof, my head is pounding.

 

MRS. DALE

Rebecca! Thank God you’re okay! You passed out for a couple minutes after hitting your head! I was about to call an ambulance!

REBECCA 

Mom! You remember me! Phew, scariest dream of my life. Baxter? Come here boy.

 

MRS. DALE

Oh honey, I know you’re angry at him. I hate to say this, but if you really want, we can give him to Grandma. I don’t want him threatening your safety or anything, I’m so sorry this hap-

 

(REBECCA hugs BAXTER and kisses his head)

 

REBECCA

Actually, I’m not angry at him. He’s too cute to stay mad at anyways! I was thinking… can we get another puppy? It’s my birthday after all…

 

(MRS. DALE laughs)

 

MRS. DALE

Rebecca! Of course we can get another! Hahah, I’m so glad you’ve had a change of heart about Baxter. He really does love you, you know.

 

REBECCA

I love him too. You know, dogs make the world spin round.

 

(BAXTER looks at audience and winks)  

 

THE END