Is it Enough?


To roll out of bed and despise my image
To put on a mini-skirt and tank top to hide my fat body? 
To wear three pounds of makeup to hide my insecurity? 
To replace my comfortable flats with uncomfortable, blood 
blistering high heels?
The entire outfit is uncomfortable and showy.
My face feels heavy and cakey.
But hey, if it’s good enough for you I’ll wear it every day:
No. You still laugh throwing your judging looks, and tomatoes 
at my insecure, depressed, and doubtful mind.
You laugh on the way I speak.
You laugh at my freckles;
Everything you find good about me you turn it around with 
insults.

I go to the store to buy hair dye
All the popular girls have blond hair, right? 
Is it enough? 

 
For my hair to be blond, for me to cry because all I see is a 
stranger that stole my reflection? 
Under the three pounds of makeup I still have this disgusting 
mask that I call a face. 
I work at a strip club.
Is it enough?
For me to be raped on my first shift?
I’m smoking cigarettes and drinking beer.
Is it enough?
Hunched over the toilet puking up my last meal?
I always saw myself as different from everyone else.
But looking in that mirror I see a criminal with my eyes and 
skin. 
Who am I? 
What have I done to myself?
I did all of this just to please you; But was it ever enough?
No it never was. 

I’m done being a lonely butterfly afraid to show its wings. 
I’m done being ashamed of myself.
I got rid of it
I washed the dye out, 
I burned the skirt and tank top, 
I sold the heels
I quit my job,
I threw away the drugs, 
I gave the makeup to a friend.
I look in that mirror and see for who I am;
It took me a long time to realize: it doesn’t matter if it’s enough 
for you.
It matters if it’s enough for me. 
And it is enough.